What way will I go?

Homily

30th Sunday in Ordinary Time B2

27 October 2024

St. Ann Catholic Church Prairie Village

AMDG

What way will I choose? My way, or THE way?

Jesus tells Bartimaus at the end of his Gospel to go on his way.  Bartimaus instead follows Him on THE way?  What way will I choose?

I can't stand beggars.  In fact, I'm terrified of them.  I bet you are too.  Beggars are incredibly annoying.  I'm rarely ready to encounter them.  I'm not sure how to help, yet haunted by Jesus' saying to give to everyone who asks.  I usually conclude that I will pray for them, while concluding that allowing begging is enabling and dangerous.

I'm really annoyed by people that beg for a living.  Monday night I was asked to celebrate Mass for the Little Sister of the Lamb, a religious community from France that have established a convent and monastery in KCK.  I don't like to go there, but I suppose I chant their liturgy better than some other priests.  They are also concerned for my soul, which is why they keep inviting me.  They are professional beggars.  I can't say no.

These mendicants are annoyingly humble and small.  Around their necks they wear a wooden lamb, engraved with the words 'Wounded, I will never cease to love.' What a crazy way to live.  They live the Gospel precisely as Jesus teaches it.  They compromise on nothing. They don't have real jobs.  Their favorite thing to do is to beg from the violent, and even for prisoners. They intentionally live in dangerous neighborhoods, and prefer to hitchhike, while remaining unharmed and creating peace wherever they live.  

Because of their faith and love and courage, they are more secure than you and me, living in the Prairie Village bubble.

It's annoying as all get out, and terrifying.  I told them as much while I was there.  I asked why they kept inviting me, since they know I hate it so much and am terrified of poverty.  The lead sister said "We know, Father,, and we love you.  You're scared of poverty because you're so deeply attracted to it?"

I was so embarrassed that she read my soul so easily that I wanted to throw a fit and storm out of the room.  I hated that she was right. There's nothing more attractive, free, compelling, disarming or magnanimous that living the Gospel.  It's THE way that Jesus taught.

Bartimaus threw off his old cloak of sitting by the roadside to spring up and go beg Jesus, as annoyingly as He could.  If only I could start Mass with the same fervor, asking Jesus three times as Bartimaus did, to have mercy on me, a sinner.

Instead my prayer is to leave me alone, to let me try to fix everything myself, to let me be the exception to the human experience of vulnerability.  I just want to do things my way, instead of begging Jesus and all of you to forgive me, and to help me.

I'm terrified of begging because I'm so deeply attracted to it.  Still, I'll do almost anything to keep from being one, even though beggars always the heroes of the Gospel, of THE way that leads to new life.  

What way will I go from here?  My way or THE way?

+mj