do I have enough?

Homily

18th Sunday of Ordinary Time A

St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center at the University of Kansas

2 August 2020

AMDG +JMJ +m

Do I have enough?

The Gospel today teaches that only when I think I don't,

will I discover that I actually do.

Do I have enough?

It's a question that never really goes away.

It's human and normal to ask.

Do I have enough of anything and everything?

Do I have enough looks to get noticed?

Do I have enough health to survive a pandemic?

Do I have enough money to pay the bills?

Do I have enough control not to worry?

Sit back and get comfortable - I'm just getting started with these questions!

Do I have enough faith to trust God?

Do I have enough love to give my life away?

Do I have enough hope to stay on the path?

The litany could maybe go on forever.

Do I have enough courage to face my fears?

Do I have enough strength not to give up or give in?

Do I have enough intelligence to succeed?

Your list is different I am sure, but probably just as long.

It's a question we can't get rid of.

Do I have enough?

It's a question faced by society too.

Do we have enough solidarity to see God and ourselves in each other?

Do we have enough virtue for good to prevail over evil?

Do we have enough justice for human dignity to flourish?

Ultimately, it's the question faced by Jesus today.

Do I have enough to feed these people?

It's precisely when it looks like he doesn't,

that he gets to show that he does.

What's my answer?

I usually don't think I have enough.

But why do I think this way?

The answer leaps from the scripture, at least for me.

I don't think I have enough because I am neither desperate nor receptive.

I'm a hoarder, and hoarders never think they have enough.

I play it safe.  I try to stockpile.  I try to stay in control.

Yet it's never enough.

The situation in the Gospel is desperate.

There's no hoarding.

And that's why things work out!

5000 dummies drag their families around a huge lake to a deserted place with no food - right into an impossible situation.

The scene hearkens back to the Israelites wandering in the desert, complaining to Moses that they're gonna starve.  The five loaves represent both the 5 books of the law given to Moses, and the manna.  Both seemed so little - not enough - but they saved the day.

The two fish?  That's Jesus - God and man.  The fish came to symbolize Jesus  - icthys -the five Greek letters that begin the words - Jesus Christ God Son Savior - spell fish in Greek.  Jesus is the two fish - it looks like He is not enough.  But He is.

What's the lesson here?

It's precisely when I am most empty - most desperate - most vulnerable - most in need - most certain that I don't have enough.  It's then that I discover I actually do have enough.

Yet when I am fat, happy, hoarding - when I'm trying to insure I have enough,

it's then that I find out I never will.

That law of the gift works every time.  The primacy is grace.  If everything is gift, there is always enough.  

If I show up to Mass tonight full,

I'll hedge my bets.  I'll play it safe.  I'll leave pretending I am all good.

If I come instead hungry, thirsty, open, vulnerable, receptive and in need,

only then will I know that I have enough.